The Power of a Curious Mindset

Today I want to talk about one small shift, a simple change in mindset, that can diffuse conflicts and help partners understand one another more deeply. Imagine approaching a tense discussion with your partner first from an attitude of wanting to understand what they think, feel, believe, and prefer, and how they came to their […]

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Rediscovering Sex in a Mixed-Desire Partnership

In last week’s post, I wrote about the common advice that partners experiencing a desire discrepancy “just do it,” and the way that can backfire. I argued that willingness (not desire) is the key ingredient for partners seeking to rediscover their sexual connection. However, I also acknowledged that many couples feeling awkward and uncertain when […]

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Should You “Just Do It” To Fix A Desire Discrepancy?

A couple lying face to face

The conventional wisdom about desire discrepancy in a relationship is “just do it.” I’ve had many clients whose previous therapists have recommended some version of this approach, ranging from “ice-breaker sex” to “it’s like doing the laundry; sometimes you just have to get it done”. I get that when a couple hasn’t had sex in […]

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